I Should Have…

Posted: January 30, 2012 in Fanfictions
Tags: , , ,

This story is requested by my co-clan member, Megumi Hinata, who is very much addicted and in love with the Hey! Say! JUMP member, Yabu Kota. Douzo! 🙂

Kota! Wait up! Don’t ignore me!

I saw Kota turn around and faced me.

“What?” he paused. “Shall we… kiss?”

I was taken aback but I didn’t answer.

He laughed mockingly. “You actually regretted not doing that, right?”

“UWAH!” I exclaimed as I opened my eyes. I was greeted by the bright mid-morning sun and the loud ring from my alarm clock. Nine o’five, the clock stated. “Yaaah! I’m late!”

I wanted to forget but for some reason, I just can’t. I keep on having the same dream.

“Ah, the lesson’s over…” I blurted out lazily after opening the door and seeing that only my friends were left.

“Megu, your appearance makes you look like an honor student but in reality, you’re…” one of my friends blurted out while laughing.

I sighed. “It’s not like I wanted to look like this!”

“Yeah, I know,” another one of her friends said. “Whenever we go to a goukon, you’re always the one who ended up drunk. It’s hard looking after you, y’know?”

I bowed my head to the table, feeling a little gloomy. “Do you still need to rub it?”

“But despite that, Kotarou still wants your number,”

I stiffened. Just the sound of the name ‘Kota’ makes me shiver. I pouted. “His name ‘Kota’  reminds me of someone I hate back in high school so no, don’t give him my number!”

“You’re harsh,” my friend commented. “But aside from that, you’re still on about that classmate of yours from high school?”

“Yeah,” another agreed. “What exactly did he do to you to be that angry at him?”

“Nothing,” I said, almost in a whisper. “He did nothing to me,”

Yes, he did nothing to me. But I think something did happen to us during our second year in high school.

Back then, everyone thought I was a serious student. Everyone thought I was an honor student. I even got voted as a Class Representative because of that.

But he was an exception. He knew about my secret naps during classes, how I would always forget about my books and assignments and borrowed from my bestfriend to pass.

He knew all that. But he kept it a secret. I remembered what he said to me back then.

“It’s a secret between me and Megu-chan,”

Whenever we’re alone, he would call me ‘Megu-chan’ but when there were other people, he would call me, ‘Class Rep.’

He had always helped with me with my duties as class representative. And later on, I found myself falling for him.

“A c-class reunion?” I asked.

I was currently talking to my bestfriend during high school.

“Yes! We want you to organize it since you used to be the class representative.”

I winced. “So, I’m still being used,”

My bestfriend laughed. “We’ve pretty much gathered everyone,” then I heard her sigh dreamily. “I’m very much excited to see how Kota has changed!”

I stiffened once again. “So, he’s coming, huh?”

“Oh, yeah, you used to avoid him because he kept bothering you, right?”

Yes, that was what everybody thought. They thought I avoided Kota because he was a bother. They didn’t know the reason behind my actions. They didn’t know how I felt back then.

It was an idiotic feeling, I said to myself. But the feelings remained eventhough I tried myself to avoid him. I refrained myself from talking to him and being close to him because I was scared I might spill the truth about what I felt during that time.

I remembered our very last day to talk to each other…

It was a sunny afternoon. Everybody already went to the science laboratory but I forgot my biology book so I went back to the classroom.

When I got to our classroom, I saw Kota sleeping.

“And on my desk, too.” I murmured and walked towards him. Then I bended my knees to lower my height.

‘Uwah! He’s so cute!’ my mind thought. He really looks like an angel right that moment.

My smile faded. I remembered I shouldn’t be admiring him so openly. I stood up but I felt him held my hand.

I turned to him. He was looking at me intently. As if he wanted to say something.

“W-what?” I asked, can’t keep up with the tension.

“Shall we kiss?” he asked seriously.

I stiffened. My mind panicked. I didn’t know what to say but I remained calm.

“What in the world are you saying? Why would I possibly want to kiss someone like you?” I said harshly. I knew I shouldn’t have said those words but it’s late to take those back.

He remained silent for a while then he laughed. “I’m sorry, my bad! I was half-asleep when I asked that. Forget about it,” he said then walked out.

And right there and then, he also walked out of my life.

A few days later, everyone was surprised when he started dating their senior…

“Is everyone here now? Wait, let me recount our number since some came after the last minute!” I shouted to my high school classmates.

We were already at the Karaoke place we all planned to meet. And as expected, I was used as a gofer since I was the class rep back then.

I was busy recounting our number when one of my classmates shouted.

“Class Rep! Kota texted and said he got lost on the way. He said he was near YY Cafe,”

I stopped counting. “T-then,  who would want to fetch K-kota there?”

Nobody breathed a word.

“Why don’t you go, Class Rep?”

My bag fell. I picked it up panicky. “A-ah, sure. I-I’ll go on ahead,” I said then went for the door but I tripped myself even before I could go out.

“I never knew Class Rep to be that clumsy. She used to be very sturdy back then,” I heard my classmates said after I closed the door.

That’s Kota for you, I thought. He can easily make the sturdy me into a clumsy one just by the sound of his name. He can make my heart skip a beat just by the mere sight of him.

Like now… I thought while looking at him standing in front of YY Cafe.

I looked around. He was still as popular as before. He was very noticeable, especially now that he’s wearing his casual outdoor clothes. He stood out in that crowd of people.

As if he felt someone looking at him, he turned to me. Then he smiled and waved.

“Class Rep!” he greeted. “Wah, how nostalgic!”

I stiffened and wasn’t able to talk.

“Hey, why’re you so stiff?” he asked and flicked my nose.

“H-hey!” was all I could blurt out. Why is he so casual? Grr. Act casually, Megu. Casually! I sighed. “Are you hungry? Let’s go now,”

“Hey, isn’t the Karaoke bar this way?” he said, pointing the right direction.

“Eh?” I pouted. “So, you knew the way. Isn’t it pointless to have me come and get–” I stopped scolding when I saw him smile gently.

“You haven’t changed a bit, Megu-chan,” he commented.

Ah, here he is again. Megu-chan, the secret between us, the shall we kiss? question. Now, having me fetch him when in reality, he knew the way.

I smiled. Maybe it’s just me. I should just stop thinking.

“Are you going out with someone?” he asked when we were going back to the KTV bar.


“Me neither,”

“I didn’t ask you,” I commented.

He laughed. “Is that so?”

“Ah, Kota’s here!” one of our classmates announced.

“Hey, you guys, don’t start without me!” Kota said lightly while laughing.

“That’s because you’re an idiot for getting lost!” another classmate said.

“Kota’s gotten even more handsome!” Mika exclaimed.

“I don’t think so,” I commented and ate chips.

“How can you call a Tokyo University student an idiot?”

“See? He’s also a T-University stud. How amazing,” Mika added then giggled.

“But Kota, even now…” I paused. “…is noisy as ever, huh?”

“Yeah,” Mika laughed. “Look, he’s making a racket already,”

It really feels sentimental. I feel ridiculous.

“Guys, let’s play a game!” our classmate shouted. “Write the name of the person you liked back then in that pieces of paper being distributed then put it in this box. You can write it anonymously or if you’re courageous enough, you can write your name at the bottom.”

Hmm, it’s all in the past so I guess it’s okay…

“Kota, you’re going to write that senior’s name, right?” Kota’s friend asked.

Everyone’s attention turned to him. Even me, who tried not to look, listened.

“We were all surprised back then. You were rejecting her profusely but all of a sudden, you dated her.”

“Eh? Was that what happened?” Kota asked lightly. As if not minding what everyone’s comment was.

“Class Rep, whose name did you wrote down?”

I silently crumpled the paper and didn’t answer.

“I-I’m going to the washroom,” I said then went out.

As I thought, I should’ve just written other’s name down…

“Whose name did you wrote?” Kota asked.

I flinched then looked at him. He was standing near the girls’ washroom.

“It’s none of your business,” I said then turned back. “That reminds me, why didn’t you tell me you were planning to go out with that senior?”

He remained silent. Then, “Why? Was there a need for me to do so?”

I felt my eyes watered. I felt so upset and annoyed.

“Because… I thought I was someone special!” I hiccuped. “When you started dating that senior, do you know how devastated and brokenhearted I was?” I yelled at him then threw him the paper. I didn’t care if he was to read his name written on that paper anymore.

I ran outside the place and cried silently at a bench nearby.

I was shocked at what she just told me so I wasn’t able to move my body until I saw her ran outside.

I bent down and picked up the piece of paper she threw at me.

Yabu Kota, the paper reads.

After reading that, I hurriedly ran outside to follow her.

“Ah, this is the first time I cried over him,” I murmured to myself.

Yes, I admit, I’m still not over him. I tried so many times to forget but…I just can’t. I kept on having that dream over and over.

During the time he dated that senior, she wanted to weep more than anyone else. It was the very first time I felt pain like that so I didn’t know what to do.

I decided to hate him and hid all my feelings for him in the deepest of my heart. But I’m crying inside. All this time, I have been showing people a jolly me but deep inside, nobody knew how crushed my heart was.

I heard footsteps towards me. I covered my face when I saw Kota bent down to have face-to-face with me.

“Megu-chan…” he whispered gently.

I decided to tell him the truth, how I feel. I want to break free to these feelings. I want to move-on. I want to be happy.

“I’ve been regretting it all this time. I should’ve agreed when you asked me to kiss you. If I did that, all may have been different. Maybe, I’m not going to feel this awful if I did that. Because…” I paused. “…I really like you, Kota!”

There was a long pause. Then…

“I also thought I was someone very special to you.” he started.

I looked at him, pretty much surprised. “E-eh?”

He sighed. “But apparently, I was wrong. I thought I got rejected so…” he paused. “Back then I was still a child and it was a shame if I got rejected. So I ran away instead of facing the truth,”

I cried all the more. “Why didn’t you tell me?!”

He started telling me his feelings. The feelings he kept hidden during the times I was rejecting and avoiding him. The reason why he decided to date that senior.

“The Megu-chan back then wouldn’t disappear from my heart. You were always on my mind, too.” he cupped my face. “Shall we kiss, Megu-chan?”

Now, I can finally convey the feelings I kept hidden all this time. I can finally erase the regret I have always felt just because I didn’t kiss him back then.

I nodded while blushing. “Y-yes,”

And there, under the pale moonlight, we continued where we left off years ago. As the moon our witness, he erased the regret in our hearts and planted a soft and sweet kiss on my lips.

“I love you, Megu-chan,” he whisphered after the kiss.

I once again cried, in happiness this time. Then, I hugged him tightly. “I love you, too, Kota…”

This time, we’re never going to let go of this blissful happiness. Forever and ever.

– END –

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